The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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