walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
