i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
