I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
