so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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