Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
