i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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