getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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