Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
