Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
