yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
