my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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