Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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