If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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