ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
