she smelled like a LAN party
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
