I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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