And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
there is puke in my bra ... again
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