a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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