this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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