everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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