I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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