I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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