i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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