Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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