around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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