Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
