Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
