pop tarts are not kleenex
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
