I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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