i just wanna soil my oats bro
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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