you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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