you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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