a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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