So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Be still, my beating vagina.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
