He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
