DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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