i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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