Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
