I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
