Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
