final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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