I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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