I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
