wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
