she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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