the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
...so i touched it.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
50% drunk capacity currently
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
