Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
