I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My ass is underappreciated
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
