If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
